Good evening, everybody. Welcome to the White House Correspondents Dinner -- the night when Washington celebrates itself. Somebody's got to do it. 各位晚上好。欢迎参加白宫记者协会晚宴——这是华盛顿自我庆祝的夜晚。总得有人来做这件事嘛。
And welcome to the fourth quarter of my presidency. It's true -- that was Michelle cheering. The fact is, I feel more loose and relaxed than ever. Those Joe Biden shoulder massages, they're like magic. You should try one. Oh, you have. 欢迎来到我总统任期的最后一节。没错——刚才欢呼的就是米歇尔。事实是，我感觉比以往任何时候都更放松自在。乔·拜登那些肩部按摩，简直像魔法一样。你们也该试试。哦，你们已经试过了。
I am determined to make the most of every moment I have left. After the midterm elections, my advisors asked me, "Mr. President, do you have a bucket list?" And I said, "Well, I have something that rhymes with bucket list." 我决心充分利用剩下的每一刻。中期选举之后，我的顾问问我："总统先生，您有遗愿清单吗？"我说："嗯，我有一个和'遗愿清单'押韵的东西。"
Take executive action on immigration? Bucket. New climate regulations? Bucket. It's the right thing to do. 对移民采取行政行动？管他呢。新气候法规？管他呢。这是正确的做法。
And my new attitude is paying off. Look at my Cuba policy. The Castro brothers are here tonight. Welcome to America, amigos! Que pasa? What? It's the Castros from Texas? Oh. Hi Joaquin. Hi Julian. 我的新态度正在见效。看看我的古巴政策。卡斯特罗兄弟今晚都来了。欢迎来到美国，朋友们！最近怎么样？什么？是德克萨斯来的卡斯特罗兄弟？哦。你好，华金。你好，朱利安。
Anyway, being President is never easy. I still have to fix a broken immigration system, issue veto threats, negotiate with Iran -- all while finding time to pray five times a day. Which is strenuous. 总之，当总统从来都不容易。我还得修复支离破碎的移民系统、发出否决威胁、与伊朗谈判——所有这些之余还要挤出时间每天祈祷五次。这可够累的。
And it is no wonder that people keep pointing out how the presidency has aged me. I look so old, John Boehner has already invited Netanyahu to speak at my funeral. 难怪人们总说总统任期让我变老了。我看起来太老了，约翰·博纳已经邀请内塔尼亚胡在我的葬礼上发表演讲了。
Meanwhile, Michelle hasn't aged a day. I ask her what her secret is, she just says "fresh fruits and vegetables." It's aggravating. 与此同时，米歇尔一点都没变老。我问她秘诀是什么，她只说是"新鲜水果和蔬菜"。真让人恼火。
The fact is, though, at this point, my legacy is finally beginning to take shape. The economy is getting better. Nine in ten Americans now have health coverage. Today, thanks to Obamacare, you no longer have to worry about losing your insurance if you lose your job. You're welcome, Senate Democrats. 但事实是，在这一点上，我的政治遗产终于开始成形了。经济正在好转。如今九成美国人有了医疗保险。今天，多亏了奥巴马医改，你再也不用担心失业后会失去保险了。不客气，参议院的民主党人们。
Now, look, it is true I have not managed to make everybody happy. Six years into my presidency, some people still say I'm arrogant and aloof, condescending. Some people are so dumb. No wonder I don't meet with them. 听着，我确实没能让所有人都满意。就任总统六年来，有些人仍然说我傲慢冷漠、居高临下。有些人真是太蠢了。难怪我不跟他们见面。
And that's not all people say about me. A few weeks ago, Dick Cheney says he thinks I'm the worst President of his lifetime. Which is interesting, because I think Dick Cheney is the worst President of my lifetime. It's quite a coincidence. 人们对我的评价还不止这些。几周前，迪克·切尼说他认为我是他有生之年最差的总统。这就有意思了，因为我觉得迪克·切尼才是我有生之年最差的总统。真是太巧了。
I mean, everybody has got something to say these days. Mike Huckabee recently said people shouldn't join our military until a true conservative is elected President. Think about that. It was so outrageous, 47 Ayatollahs wrote us a letter trying to explain to Huckabee how our system works. 我的意思是，如今每个人都有话要说。迈克·赫卡比最近说，在真正的保守派当选总统之前，人们不应该参军。想想看。这话说得太离谱了，以至于47位阿亚图拉都给我们写了封信，想给赫卡比科普一下我们的制度是怎么运作的。
It gets worse. Just this week, Michele Bachmann actually predicted that I would bring about the biblical end of days. Now that's a legacy! That's big. I mean, Lincoln, Washington -- they didn't do that. 更糟的还在后头。就在本周，米歇尔·巴赫曼竟然预言我将带来圣经中的世界末日。这才叫遗产啊！太了不起了。林肯、华盛顿——他们都没做到这一点。
But I just have to put this stuff aside, I've got to stay focused on my job, because for many Americans, this is still a time of deep uncertainty. For example, I have one friend -- just a few weeks ago, she was making millions of dollars a year. And she's now living out of a van in Iowa. 但我得把这些抛在脑后，专注于我的工作，因为对许多美国人来说，这仍然是一个充满不确定性的时期。比如，我有一个朋友——就在几周前，她一年还能赚几百万美元。而现在，她正住在爱荷华州的一辆厢式货车里。
Meanwhile, back here in our nation's capital, we're always dealing with new challenges. I'm happy to report that the Secret Service, thanks to some excellent reporting by White House correspondents, they're really focusing on some of the issues that have come up. And they finally figured out a full-proof way to keep people off my lawn. 与此同时，回到我们的首都，我们总是在应对新的挑战。我很高兴地报告，特勤局——多亏了白宫记者们的出色报道——他们现在真的在关注一些已经暴露的问题。而且他们终于想出了一个万无一失的办法，不让人擅闯我的草坪。
It works. And it's not just fence-jumpers. As some of you know, a few months ago, a drone crash-landed out back. That was pretty serious, but don't worry, we've installed a new, state-of-the-art security system. 这办法管用。而且不只是对付翻围栏的人。你们有些人知道，几个月前，一架无人机坠落在白宫后院。那事相当严重，但别担心，我们已经安装了一套全新的、最先进的安全系统。
You know what, let me set the record straight. I tease Joe sometimes, but he has been at my side for seven years now. I love that man. He's not just a great Vice President, he is a great friend. We've gotten so close, in some places in Indiana, they won't serve us pizza anymore. 跟你们说句掏心窝子的话，我有时会调侃乔，但他已经在我身边七年了。我爱那个人。他不仅是一位出色的副总统，也是一位挚友。我们关系好到什么程度呢，在印第安纳州有些地方，他们都不肯卖给我们披萨了。
I want to thank our host for the evening, a Chicago girl, the incredibly talented Cecily Strong. On "Saturday Night Live," Cecily impersonates CNN anchor Brooke Baldwin. Which is surprising, because usually the only people impersonating journalists on CNN are journalists on CNN. 我要感谢今晚的主持人，一位芝加哥姑娘，才华横溢的塞西莉·斯特朗。在《周六夜现场》中，塞西莉模仿CNN主播布鲁克·鲍德温。这挺让人惊讶的，因为通常在CNN上模仿记者的，只有CNN自己的记者。
ABC is here with some of the stars from their big new comedy, "Black-ish." It's a great show, but I have to give ABC fair warning -- being "Black-ish" only makes you popular for so long. Trust me. There's a shelf life to that thing. ABC电视台也来了，带来了他们新喜剧《黑人当道》的几位主演。这是一部很棒的剧，但我得善意提醒ABC一下——"有点黑"这一套火不了太久。相信我，这东西是有保质期的。
As always, the reporters here had a lot to cover over the last year. Here on the East Coast, one big story was the brutal winter. The polar vortex caused so many record lows, they renamed it "MSNBC." 和往年一样，过去一年这里的记者们有很多新闻要报道。在东海岸，一个大新闻就是严冬。极地涡旋造成了这么多历史最低温，他们干脆把它改名叫"MSNBC"了。
But of course, let's face it, there is one issue on every reporter's mind and that is 2016. Already, we've seen some missteps. It turns out Jeb Bush identified himself as "Hispanic" back in 2009. Which you know what, look, I understand. It's an innocent mistake. Reminds me of when I identified myself as "American" back in 1961. 但当然，我们得承认，每个记者心中都有一个话题，那就是2016年大选。我们已经看到了一些失误。事实证明，杰布·布什早在2009年就自称为"西班牙裔"。你知道吗，我理解。这是个无心之过。让我想起了1961年我自称为"美国人"的时候。
Ted Cruz said that denying the existence of climate change made him like Galileo. Now that's not really an apt comparison. Galileo believed the Earth revolves around the sun. Ted Cruz believes the Earth revolves around Ted Cruz. And just as an aside, I want to point out, when a guy who has his face on a "Hope" poster calls you self-centered, you know you've got a problem. The narcissism index is creeping up a little too high. 泰德·克鲁兹说，否认气候变化的存在让他像伽利略。这个比喻其实不太恰当。伽利略相信地球绕着太阳转。泰德·克鲁兹相信地球绕着泰德·克鲁兹转。顺便说一句，我想指出，当一个自己的脸印在"希望"海报上的人说你以自我为中心时，你就知道问题大了。自恋指数有点高得离谱了。
Meanwhile, Rick Santorum announced that he would not attend the same-sex wedding of a friend or a loved one. To which gays and lesbians across the country responded, that's not going to be a problem. Don't sweat that one. 与此同时，里克·桑托勒姆宣布他不会参加朋友或亲人的同性婚礼。对此，全国的男女同性恋者回应说：那都不是事儿。别担心。
And Donald Trump is here. Still. 唐纳德·特朗普也来了。还在这儿呢。
Anyway. It's amazing how time flies. Soon, the first presidential contest will take place. And I for one cannot wait to see who the Koch brothers pick. 总之。时间过得真快啊。很快，第一场总统竞选就要开始了。我个人已经迫不及待想看看科赫兄弟选谁了。
It's exciting. Marco Rubio, Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, Jeb Bush, Scott Walker. Who will finally get that red rose? The winner gets a billion-dollar war chest. The runner up gets to be the bachelor on the next season of "The Bachelor." I mean, seriously, a billion dollars. From just two guys. Is it just me, or does that feel a little excessive? I mean, it's almost insulting to the candidates. The Koch brothers think they need to spend a billion dollars to get folks to like one of these people. It's got to hurt their feelings a little bit. 太令人兴奋了。马可·卢比奥、兰德·保罗、泰德·克鲁兹、杰布·布什、斯科特·沃克。谁最终会得到那朵红玫瑰？赢家将获得十亿美元的竞选资金。亚军将成为下一季《单身汉》的男主角。说真的，十亿美元啊。就两个人出的。是只有我这么觉得，还是这确实有点太夸张了？我的意思是，这对候选人来说几乎是一种侮辱。科赫兄弟认为他们需要花十亿美元才能让人们喜欢这些人中的一个。这多少有点伤感情吧。
And, look, I know I've raised a lot of money too. But in all fairness, my middle name is "Hussein." What's their excuse? 听着，我知道我也筹了很多钱。但公平地说，我的中间名可是"侯赛因"啊。他们的借口是什么？
The trail hasn't been easy for my fellow Democrats either. As we all know, Hillary's private emails got her in trouble. Frankly, I thought it was going to be her private Instagram account that was going to cause her bigger problems. 我的民主党同僚们的竞选之路也不轻松。众所周知，希拉里的私人邮件让她陷入了麻烦。老实说，我还以为她的私人Instagram账号才会给她带来更大的麻烦呢。
Hillary kicked things off by going completely unrecognized at a Chipotle. Not to be outdone, Martin O'Malley kicked things off by going completely unrecognized at a Martin O'Malley campaign event. 希拉里的竞选开局是在Chipotle餐厅完全没人认出来。不甘示弱的马丁·奥马利的竞选开局是，在一场马丁·奥马利的竞选活动上也完全没人认出来。
And Bernie Sanders might run. I like Bernie. Bernie is an interesting guy. Apparently some folks really want to see a pot-smoking socialist in the White House. We could get a third Obama term after all. It could happen. 伯尼·桑德斯可能要参选。我喜欢伯尼。伯尼是个有趣的人。显然有些人真的很想看到一个抽大麻的社会主义者住进白宫。说不定我们还能迎来第三个奥巴马任期呢。这有可能发生哦。
Anyway, as always, I want to close on a more serious note. I often joke about tensions between me and the press, but honestly, what they say doesn't bother me. I understand we've got an adversarial system. I'm a mellow sort of guy. 总之，和往常一样，我想以更严肃的基调来收尾。我经常拿我和媒体之间的紧张关系开玩笑，但说实话，他们说的话并不困扰我。我理解我们有着对抗性的体制。我是个随和的人。
And that's why I invited Luther, my anger translator, to join me here tonight. 所以今晚我邀请了卢瑟——我的愤怒翻译官——来和我一起。
[Enter Luther] 【卢瑟上场】
Luther: Hold on to your lily-white butts. 卢瑟：坐稳了，各位白人老爷们。
President Obama: In our fast-changing world, traditions like the White House Correspondents' Dinner are important. 奥巴马总统：在我们这个瞬息万变的世界里，像白宫记者协会晚宴这样的传统是很重要的。
Luther: I mean, really, what is this dinner? And why am I required to come to it? Jeb Bush, do you really want to do this? 卢瑟：我说真的，这晚宴到底算什么？我凭什么非得要来？杰布·布什，你真的想竞选总统吗？
President Obama: Because despite our differences, we count on the press to shed light on the most important issues of the day. 奥巴马总统：因为尽管我们存在分歧，但我们依靠媒体来揭示当今最重要的问题。
Luther: And we can count on Fox News to terrify old white people with some nonsense! Sharia law is coming to Cleveland. Run for the damn hills! Y'all, it's ridiculous. 卢瑟：我们还能指望福克斯新闻用一堆废话吓唬白人们！伊斯兰教法要传到克利夫兰了。赶紧逃到山里去吧！大伙说说，这也太扯了。
President Obama: We won't always see eye to eye. 奥巴马总统：我们不会总是意见一致。
Luther: Oh, and CNN, thank you so much for the wall-to-wall Ebola coverage. For two whole weeks, we were one step away from the Walking Dead. And then you all got up and just moved on to the next day. That was awesome. Oh, and by the way, just if you haven't noticed, you don't have Ebola! 卢瑟：哦对了，CNN，非常感谢你们铺天盖地的埃博拉报道。整整两周，我们离《行尸走肉》就差一步了。然后你们拍拍屁股就转去报别的新闻了。真有你们的。哦对了，顺便说一句，你们有没有注意到，你们根本没得埃博拉！
President Obama: But I still deeply appreciate the work that you do. 奥巴马总统：但我仍然非常感谢你们所做的工作。
Luther: Ya'll remember when I had that big, old hole in the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico and then I plugged it? Remember that? Which "Obama's Katrina" was that one? Was that 19? Or was it 20? Because I can't remember. 卢瑟：你们还记得墨西哥湾海底那个大洞吗，我后来把它堵上了？还记得吗？那是第几次"奥巴马的卡特里娜"了？是第19次？还是第20次？我都记不清了。
President Obama: Protecting our democracy is more important than ever. For example, the Supreme Court ruled that the donor who gave Ted Cruz 6 million dollars was just exercising free speech. 奥巴马总统：保护我们的民主比以往任何时候都更重要。比如，最高法院裁定，给泰德·克鲁兹捐了600万美元的捐助者只是在行使言论自由。
Luther: Yeah, that's the kind of speech like this, "I just wasted six million dollars." 卢瑟：是啊，那种言论就像这样："我刚浪费了六百万美元。"
President Obama: And it's not just Republicans. Hillary will have to rage [raise] huge sums of money, too. 奥巴马总统：而且不只是共和党人。希拉里也得筹一大笔钱。
Luther: Oh, yes. She's going to get that money. She's going to get all the money. Khaleesi is coming to Westeros. So watch out! 卢瑟：哦，那当然。她会筹到钱的。她会筹到所有的钱。龙母要来了维斯特洛。小心点！
President Obama: The nonstop focus on billionaire donors creates real problems for our democracy. 奥巴马总统：对亿万富翁捐助者的持续关注给我们的民主带来了切实的问题。
Luther: And that's why we're running for a third term! 卢瑟：所以我们要竞选第三个任期！
President Obama: No, we're not. 奥巴马总统：不，我们不竞选。
Luther: We're not? 卢瑟：不竞选了？
President Obama: No. 奥巴马总统：不。
Luther: Who the hell said that? 卢瑟：谁说的？
President Obama: But we do need to stay focused on some big challenges, like climate change. 奥巴马总统：但我们确实需要专注于一些重大挑战，比如气候变化。
Luther: Hey, listen, ya'll, if you haven't noticed, California is bone dry. It looks like a trailer for the new "Mad Max" movie up in there. Ya'll think that Bradley Cooper came here because he wants to talk to Chuck Todd? He needed a glass of water. Come on! 卢瑟：嘿，听着，大伙，你们有没有注意到，加州都干成什么样了。那儿看起来就像新《疯狂的麦克斯》电影的预告片。你们以为布莱德利·库珀来这儿是想跟查克·托德聊天吗？他是来找水喝的。拜托！
President Obama: The science is clear. Nine of the ten hottest years ever came in the last decade. 奥巴马总统：科学证据确凿。有史以来最热的十个年份中，有九个出现在过去十年。
Luther: Now, I'm not a scientist, but I do know how to count to 10. 卢瑟：我不是科学家，但我至少能数到十。
President Obama: Rising seas, more violent storms. 奥巴马总统：海平面上升，风暴更加猛烈。
Luther: We've got mosquitoes. Sweaty people on the train, stinking it up. It's just nasty. 卢瑟：蚊子越来越多了。火车上浑身是汗的人，臭烘烘的。太恶心了。
President Obama: I mean, look at what's happening right now. Every serious scientist says we need to act. The Pentagon says it's a national security risk. Miami floods on a sunny day, and instead of doing anything about it, we've got elected officials throwing snowballs in the Senate! 奥巴马总统：我的意思是，看看现在正在发生的一切。每一位严肃的科学家都说我们需要行动起来。五角大楼说这是国家安全风险。迈阿密大晴天都发洪水了，我们什么都不做也就算了，居然还有民选官员在参议院扔雪球！
Luther: Okay, Mr. President. Okay, I think they've got it, bro. 卢瑟：好了，总统先生。好了，我觉得他们明白了，兄弟。
President Obama: It is crazy! What about our kids? What kind of stupid, shortsighted, irresponsible bull -- 奥巴马总统：这太疯狂了！我们的孩子怎么办？这种愚蠢、短视、不负责任的——
Luther: Wow! Hey! 卢瑟：哇！嘿！
President Obama: What?! 奥巴马总统：怎么了？！
Luther: All due respect, sir. You don't need an anger translator. You need counseling. So I'm out of here, man. I ain't trying to get into all this. 卢瑟：恕我直言，先生。你不需要愤怒翻译官。你需要心理咨询。我走了，老兄。我可不想掺和这些。
President Obama: Go. 奥巴马总统：走。
Luther: He crazy. 卢瑟：他疯了。
President Obama: Luther, my anger translator, ladies and gentlemen. 奥巴马总统：女士们先生们，这就是卢瑟，我的愤怒翻译官。
Now that I got that off my chest. Investigative journalism; explanatory journalism; journalism that exposes corruption and injustice and gives a voice to the different, the marginalized, the voiceless -- that's power. It's a privilege. It's as important to America's trajectory -- to our values, our ideals -- than anything that we could do in elected office. 好了，发泄完了。调查性新闻；解释性新闻；揭露腐败与不公、为异见者、边缘群体和无声者发声的新闻——那就是力量。这是一种特权。它对美国的发展轨迹——对我们的价值观、我们的理想——的重要性，不亚于我们在民选职位上所能做的任何事情。
We remember journalists we lost over the past year -- journalists like Steven Sotloff and James Foley, murdered for nothing more than trying to shine a light into some of the world's darkest corners. We remember the journalists unjustly imprisoned around the world, including our own Jason Rezaian. 我们缅怀过去一年中逝去的记者——像史蒂文·索特洛夫和詹姆斯·弗利这样的记者，他们只因试图照亮世界上一些最黑暗的角落而被杀害。我们铭记世界各地被不公正监禁的记者，包括我们自己的杰森·礼萨安。
For nine months, Jason has been imprisoned in Tehran for nothing more than writing about the hopes and the fears of the Iranian people, carrying their stories to the readers of the Washington Post in an effort to bridge our common humanity. As was already mentioned, Jason's brother, Ali, is here tonight and I have told him personally we will not rest until we bring him home to his family, safe and sound. 九个月来，杰森一直被关押在德黑兰，他所做的不过是书写伊朗人民的希望与恐惧，将他们的故事带给《华盛顿邮报》的读者，努力架起我们共同人性的桥梁。正如之前提到的，杰森的弟弟阿里今晚也在座，我已亲自告诉他，我们不会休息，直到把他安全送回家人身边。
These journalists and so many others view their work as more than just a profession, but as a public good; an indispensable pillar of our society. So I want to give a toast to them. I raise a glass to them and all of you, with the words of the American foreign correspondent Dorothy Thompson: "It is not the fact of liberty, but the way in which liberty is exercised, that ultimately determines whether liberty itself survives." 这些记者和许许多多其他记者，都将自己的工作视为一种公共利益，而不仅仅是一份职业；它是我们社会不可或缺的支柱。因此，我要向他们致敬。我向他们和你们所有人举杯，引用美国驻外记者多萝西·汤普森的话："最终决定自由本身能否存续的，并非自由这一事实，而是行使自由的方式。"
Thank you for your devotion to exercising our liberty, and to telling our American story. 感谢你们致力于行使我们的自由，以及讲述我们的美国故事。
God bless you. God bless the United States of America. 上帝保佑你们。上帝保佑美利坚合众国。
